One of the most beautiful gifts we receive from the Lord is relationships with other people. However, relationships are also one of the most difficult aspects of our lives, because sin hurts our relationships and can even end them. The solution that the Lord gives us is to forgive each other and reconcile, but what does it mean to forgive and does forgiveness then automatically mean reconciliation?
Why must we forgive each other?
Forgiveness is a command from God to all Christians (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13). We are called, not to avenge, but to forgive. It is the Lord’s “right to avenge” (Romans 12:19). Forgiveness is not something that comes easily. That is why we must remind ourselves of the reason why we forgive. We forgive because God forgave us first:
… forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
It means we will only really be able to forgive if we understand the gospel! If I understand that in my sin, I am no different than the other person, I can begin to forgive. If I understand that Jesus forgave my sins, then I can share that same forgiveness with others.
Forgiveness mercifully writes off the the other person’s fault
Forgiveness does not mean overlooking someone else’s sin against me. On the contrary, I must talk to the other person about it (Matthew 18). After acknowledging the sin, the next step is to forgive. The forgiveness that we then share does not look like the world’s forgiveness, but like Jesus’s.
Biblical forgiveness is to mercifully write off the fault of the other person. It is a promise that you make to
the other person. A promise to not bring up the offense in conversation again. Not to think about it anymore. Not to make the other person pay for it.
Forgiveness means trying to forget
Once I have forgiven someone, I must not keep thinking about the offense and worry about it. The Lord, through his grace, will help you forget over time.
Forgiveness does not always remove the effect of sin
Unfortunately forgiveness does not fix a broken relationship automatically. That is because reconciliation must come from both persons. But Biblical reconciliation does not involve you waiting for the other person.
Jesus gave his life in our place and bore our sin, so that there can be reconciliation and peace between us and God (Romans 5:10). Christians must take initiative and go to extreme lengths to bring about peace and harmony in a broken relationship. In Matthew 5:23-24 we are instructed about reconciling with our brothers before coming to the altar.
How does reconciliation look?
Reconciliation means that you reach an understanding with the other person. It removes the wedge that came in between two people. If sin is the wedge between us, as it usually is, it must be addressed. We must repent. Forgiveness must be shared by both people.
Reconciliation requires us to work hard at repairing the relationship. Forgiveness is not always all that is needed. We must also take care not to repeat the sin, and address the effect of the sin.
Peace and harmony in our relationships with other people must be part of our worship lives (1 John 2:9-10; Romans 12:18).
If I have forgiven, then I must go to extreme lengths to also reconcile myself with the other party. Reconciliation is the ideal which Christians must strive towards – the ideal result of forgiveness.
What if reconciliation is not possible?
Sometimes, like we have already said, reconciliation is not possible, even though you have forgiven the other person. Peace and harmony may not be possible because the other person does not want to forgive. Or what happened was of such a nature that you will just not be able to have the same relationship as before. Consider every situation on its own merit in obedience to the Lord. Ask your elder or another Christian to pray with you for wisdom regarding the broken relationship. Ask for God’s guidance. Pray for obedience.
