Eli stands as one of the clearest examples of what not to do as a father. His sons, Hophni and Phinehas, were scoundrels—and their story teaches us important lessons about the responsibility of godly parenting.
by rev Jan-Louis Lee
Sometimes, the best way to learn how something should be done is to first look at how it shouldn’t be done. A bad example can often make the right path all the more obvious.
In that sense, Eli is perhaps the best worst example of fatherhood in Scripture.
We first encounter him unfairly accusing poor Hannah of being drunk, when in fact she was pouring out her soul before the Lord in silent prayer (1 Samuel 1:14–16). And then, we read about him and his two sons.
The scoundrels: Hophni and Phinehas
Ironically, Eli lived under the same roof as two notorious sinners—his sons, Hophni and Phinehas (1 Samuel 2:12 and following):
Eli’s sons were scoundrels; they had no regard for the Lord.
1 Samuel 2:12 (NIV)
They were priests, yet they ruled the sanctuary like tyrants; they violently demanded sacrificial meat from the people, far more than what was allowed; and they were corrupt and sexually immoral.
As a result, people began to despise the Lord’s offerings. These men were dragging down the entire religious life of Israel.
And Eli, knowing full well what his responsibility as a father was—to train up a child in the way he should go—utterly failed to act.
Eli fails to discipline his sons
Scripture teaches:
Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
Proverbs 13:24 (NIV)
Eli’s attempts at correction were weak and ineffectual. He said things like, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. No, my sons; the report I hear spreading among the Lord’s people is not good” (1 Samuel 2:23–24).
Yes, he spoke to them—but he never acted.
God confronts Eli
What’s truly heartbreaking is how God personally confronts Eli about his failure in 1 Samuel 2:29:
Why do you honor your sons more than me …?
1 Samuel 2:29 (NIV)
Why, God asks, are you more afraid of upsetting your sons than of dishonoring Me? Are you so intimidated by their reaction that you’d rather let them walk in sin than lead them in righteousness?
God’s judgment was clear: both sons would die on the same day:
And what happens to your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, will be a sign to you—they will both die on the same day.
1 Samuel 2:34 (NIV)
The legacy of Eli’s parenting style
We see echoes of Eli’s parenting everywhere today. Parents afraid of tantrums in the toy aisle, or who backpedal when teens slam doors over getting their phones taken away. Rules get set, then ignored, because enforcing them might cause conflict.
Eli’s approach reveals spiritual dangers:
- When parents allow harmful influences or friendships in their children’s lives.
- When church, home devotions, and faith become optional.
- When sin is tolerated to “keep the peace.”
- When consumerism drives parenting choices and unrealistic financial expectations are indulged.
- When sinful, dangerous behavior is brushed off with phrases like “It’s just a phase,” or “At least it’s not as bad as so-and-so.”
How children should be raised in faith
Eli’s story shows us what parenting isn’t. But it also points us to what it should be. Every parent—and everyone who may one day receive the gift of children—must remember this vital truth: we are stewards. Our children ultimately belong to God, who loves them far more deeply than we ever could.
That’s why Christian parenting must be intentional.
1. God is the ultimate authority over your children
Parents must first acknowledge that God is the supreme authority over their children’s lives. This turns a father into a man of prayer—on his knees daily for the sake of his children. Even if a child strays for a time, their salvation rests in the hands of the Lord.
Hannah beautifully expressed this truth in 1 Samuel 1:28:
So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.
1 Samuel 1:28 (NIV)
2. Children learn by example
Parents should know that children learn not just through instruction—but through example. Words inspire, but example draws. Walk with your children in the way of Christ. Pray together, study Scripture together, attend church as a family, serve others, and engage in community with believers.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)
Consistency is key: Faith must never become optional or forced, but always sincere and visible.
3. Sin must be addressed
Eli’s story reminds us that sin can’t be ignored or excused. Weak correction is worse than none at all—it never draws a clear boundary and essentially enables sin.
Hebrews 12:6 reminds us:
The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.
Hebrews 12:6 (NIV)
Loving discipline involves both words and actions. It calls a child back to God. For the glory of the Lord and for their own good.
Faithful parenting in a broken world
You may have heard the saying, “Parenting is living with your heart outside your body.” Children can bring deep joy, but also deep pain. That’s why parents must remain anchored in prayer, hope, and faith—especially during the hardest seasons.
Eli’s life is a serious warning. It’s a call to fathers to embrace the holy responsibility God has entrusted to them. Be present. Be firm. Be loving. Set clear boundaries, and hold to them—for the glory of God and the good of your children.
